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life after the insanity…

where do i start? no really. where? when? do i go back to the day the toilet paper disappeared? that’s the day that really freaked me out…not because i was worried about toilet paper, and not because i was afraid of getting or giving the virus…i lived in isolation and in quarantine…and as socially distant from most people and situations most of the time anyway…i have a chronic bully asshole that in order to keep at bay without medication is to take extra special care of myself, which i was doing before this all hit, and which i will continue to do after everyone goes back to their previously scheduled programming…but. that’s the day i felt in my soul that the world was broken…what had we become? what are we? we are a society that is immersed in sharing every thought with everyone all day long…it’s exhausting

hypocrisy was at an all time high…it still is. i saw heard talked with intelligent people that decided that quarantining was going to the beach, and having a birthday without being able to be around anyone was the most devastating thing ever. no one could handle that they couldn’t travel. that they couldn’t eat out. OH MY G-D they had to cook food for themselves. they thought that they looked stupid in a mask, and so many wear it under their nose…you look like an idiot…and no. i am not sorry…and that someone was trying to take away their rights…i won’t speak about the vaccine…i have my reasons for getting and/or not getting it…and the only thing it has to do with is my health…i’m not a fan of doctors…but, i know if you want to travel to buttfuck wherever…you have to get a boatload of vaccines…i am a fan of science…even though i was awful at it:) mostly i am a fan of living…no matter what challenges are put in my way

we live in a world that is divided…we live in a country that is divided and we are supposed to be UNITED! that’s a fucking joke…people don’t actually give three fucks about anyone else as long as they get to change their stories to fit their needs and not the benefit of mankind. we are unkind. we don’t stop at stop signs…i see multiple people a day not stopping…we think it’s ok to bully, to name call, to kill innocent people…to treat people differently because of the COLOR of their fucking skin. i am almost 100 percent ashkenazi jew. six million people just like me were murdered and i’ve been the butt of antisemitism my whole life…i let it roll…what choice do i have? there are much bigger problems than jew jokes…

i have been crying for weeks…at least the past two…pretty much out loud uncontrollable sobbing with tears streaming down my face like i am a hungry newborn that needs to be fed now….my tiny baby girl is graduating from an ivy league school in june and miracles upon miracles she is allowed two tickets to watch her in person….i know what a gift is…and this is the biggest one i could receive right now…but, it comes at a price. a heavy price for me…as it is it’s a six hour flight and a 3 hour drive…and for someone whose limbs can’t be still that long it is challenging enough. so….i arrive right after a 12 hour travel day to just catch her graduation the following morning…

but…i need to be vaccinated or quarantine in the northeast for 7-10 days. hmmmm…talk about choices being taken away…i live in an isolated quarantined socially distant world anyway…i have for the last almost five years…i have written at least two blogs about the fact THAT NOTHING HAS CHANGED FOR ME…and as i watch incredibly intelligent, educated, decent humans start acting as if their world is beginning again…posting vacation pics and dinner photos and still taking these great gifts for granted…while i continue to live in my isolated abode (and it doesn’t suck tbh) my home is the only thing these days that keeps me going. because i still have a fucked up immune system and no one seems to give af anymore…eating out is a luxury…traveling is a gift…your rights weren’t taken away…we were all fucking floundering in a situation that got out of control…with no control…and no one knowing how to control it….

the ones that were so afraid to be around people that weren’t wearing a mask or from their “pod” (do you have any idea how much i dislike all these words), were the first ones to stop wearing a mask as soon as they were vaccinated. because truth be told…it was always about protecting yourself. i’m at least woman enough to admit it. fuck you…i will always take care of my health first…i wrote a fucking book about It…i talk about it…and in taking care of myself and keeping away from all the crazy people i am still keeping everyone around me safe as well…as i have for the past almost five years…i didn’t need a pandemic…i had a fucking neurological attack that stopped me in my tracks…

every moment is a gift. walking. hearing. seeing. eating. moving. running. feeling. loving. fucking. breathing….all gifts. some gifts come wrapped in symptoms or medical issues which teach you how really big the little things are that most people take for granted. seeing my daughter walk on that football field on a sun shiny June day in the tiny little town of Hanover after all she’s been through is my greatest desire right now. my choices are few…and i am scared to death…but, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do and hope for the best…

my hope for everyone else is to see the gifts that you have been given…as little as they may seem…and that we are all on the same journey…life. it is to be treasured…can’t be measured and is the greatest gift you have…so fuck you and stop your complaining…you have no idea what it is to actually lose your freedoms or your rights or your ability to control your health…i’m done…peace out