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my view

my multi million dollar view.

it started out with good intentions

from the second i saw this home i wanted to live there. it just felt so peaceful. it felt like home. the privacy. the size. the views. the ability to merge two families with space for everyone….

however the drama and the trauma that ensued shortly after we joined forces…destroyed and wreaked havoc on all that lived there. in less than two years living together i threw him out twice and then adopted a three legged kitty for my daughter to replace the two i gave away bc of fake allergies…eight days after our tripod joined us. the bad man left:) that cat saved my life….however. another divorce. depression. and now i was living in this massive home with just my daughter – half the time. my son hated number two and he had every reason to. we have since mended our fallout from that horribly manipulative narcissistic relationship that i was in for four years too many. 

my father died five months after we were married and my marriage died the day i came home from his funeral as this monster kicked me in the stomach 

it took me three months to gather the strength to throw his ass out. i bought the kitty. took my daughter out of the country for her 16th birthday and returned asking for a divorce. he never even hired a lawyer. just took some money and ran….the house was always only mine. and fortunately it was a good investment…bc one day i was going to need that…

i picked up my pieces once again. 20 months later i was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and this home that was filled with so much angst became my gym. my wellness center. it gave me the space i needed to move when it got hot in the summer. down the long hallway. up and down the stairs. just taking the garbage/recycling out was a full on workout. dragging cans a tenth of a mile uphill in the heat. and i’m not actually joking. 

i built a hot yoga studio. i put in a cold plunge. i had a hot tub with insane views. i swam in the pool. during the pandemic i built an outside oasis that included a meditation walking path with a bridge that led to a 20 foot round deck painted in the shape of a warrior yogi with all my ms peeps names written on it. it was truly heaven. an acre of land with everything one could possibly ever need to stay healthy. 

except for one thing…

i was the only one living there. 

covid wreaked havoc on my yoga world and my community fell apart. i lost a part of myself that i am still trying to find. being assaulted last june took me to a place i’ve never been before. 

do you have any idea what it’s like to walk through the world mostly alone because you have an illness that no one understands? an assault that surprisingly so many don’t understand? the violence and vileness and trauma of that crime is horrific and people want to know why i’m not calling them back?? i am not okay. seriously? if you care. reach out. that’s what i need. those are the people i reach back to.

i cannot talk to certain people anymore. i’m sorry. it’s not you. it’s me. when you say stupid shit and really actually don’t give af that i’ve been living in a dark place for a while now. managing a move. a sale. and trying to feel safe when people come at me. oh and an asshole of an illness that most forget…because i look great. but do i?

have you seen me lately…

the thing is. i never not respond to people. ever. until now. my home was irresponsibly placed on the market in early september by a very inept realtor that really shouldn’t be a realtor. we took it off the market and i hired a much more seasoned broker. but it’s been trying my physical health. my mental state. and my weight. i eat. a lot. i am the size of a 12 year old and looking tired. i’m exhausted. my new realtor has helped me navigate this challenging process of trying to sell my home. and today. money went hard…so many thanks A and his/our LA cohorts:)

i don’t call you because i cannot speak without breaking down. i canceled my winter 108 an hour prior and only one person reached out because she thought that was strange. (i do wish you still lived here:) thank you for talking me off the ledge that night. i’m like fort knox right now. i am raw to the touch. i’ve been manhandled. taken advantage of and pushed to my very edge. 

i reached out to about eight or nine people tonight to tell them my good news. they were elated for me as these are the people that know the hell i have been going through the last seven months. these are the people that care. i despise passive aggressive cryptic shit. i treasure authenticity honesty and people that want to see you win.

pv. you were good to me when i needed to heal. recover. become strong. and hide out when the world got crazy a few years back 

i spent almost 12 years looking at this incredible view. i’ve been married to this house…and the pain i’m leaving behind makes me not give af if i ever see that mountain again. it was always a love/hate relationship anyway. have you ever climbed camelback? it’s a feisty one

i have been under extreme incomprehensible stress since june…again just 12 days after i was on top of the world (finding that joy of being recognized and honored is hard. i keep looking…being assaulted shortly after took all of that away) it’s hard to believe with my illness, that i’m still standing. but i am. and it’s taken every ounce of my energy to remain upright. 

adrian. zach. rebekah. abby. linda. katee. nick. bobby. my three babes. my ex husband. my new next door neighbor i adore. you guys didn’t hesitate to cheer for me today and to congratulate me on selling this house. you know what i’ve been through. you understand my battle. southern california. my guitar hero. my MS family. my yoga teachers and friends. the race to erase ms. i realized after leaving so abruptly how many people i have to count on there. i am so grateful. and i will be back soon….we’ve got an auction to prep. a gala to plan. fun to have…getting sidetracked and having the ever so patient and gracious nancy davis reigning us back in…

my life has been hard.

i have had and will continue to have many amazing moments and i hope this is finally the end of my pain and the beginning of my life. i want a life filled with kindness. kind people. and those that want to see me win. 

i will most likely never return to see that house although i do love running my hills…the last 20 days have almost taken me down. it’s done. i’m done…we’re done 

with people treating me badly. for not respecting my boundaries. for not making me feel loved and safe.

pv. and your new occupants with no respect whatsoever (as you showed me next to none) 

fuck off and enjoy the views…

they’re worth a couple million dollars

(at least😎)

you’re welcome

namaste
out of pv
now

📷 @me
#meandfortyfirststreetjustsplitforgood #feelingfree #ineedavacation 

julie blew
january 22, 2024