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ruff summer

so. you would assume by the title and the way i spelled ruff that i’m going to write about my dog. i’m not. (see what happens when you assume 🙂 ) i don’t have a dog. i would love a dog. i have enough to deal with right now. i do enjoy visits with my friends pups when they bring them over…managing this house and my illness and my businesses and my fundraising and my three legged kitty is enough…anyway

i have lived in az for 28 years. 28 hot AF summers. when the kids were little i would take them to Chicago for a couple of weeks in the summer…both of our families lived there…we had lots of fun and the kids were spoiled with all sorts of grandparent love. as they got older and jack started playing baseball ALL YEAR ROUND we stopped going. they had friends here and stuff to do and they didn’t want to go anymore…danny and i both worked and were not off for the summer so there was that.

the summer of 21 has by far been the roughest for me out of all of them. i have spent the last three months trying to figure out how to stop what has been happening inside me. you know the stuff you can’t see. amidst this crazy hot humid weather…the kind that you see in other places as “excessive heat warning and you will die if you don’t stay inside” i am not okay right now…or at least i wasn’t

but. let’s rewind for a moment

in march we began our hunt for apartments. my daughter was starting vet school and my son had just gotten a full-time job and his lease was up…we went to philly first…we found a place in 24 hours…go us:) next was here in phoenix…talk about looking for a place to live in one of the toughest markets on the planet…it took us two months…every weekend we’d go looking at place after place after place…we put in six different offers all rejected but the last one…go us again 🙂

time for my babies to really grow up

both of their moves were supposed to be in July…Jax got a little delayed unfortunately and he was going to have to wait a bit longer. the rain that came mid month was beyond amazing and needed and i love watching rainstorms and hearing the thunder and being outside seeing it come down…running after a rainstorm is one of my favorite things to do…so grateful for what it was giving to the desert and it’s creatures…i see all sorts of reptiles and cats and animals in my yard looking for water…they’ve been absent this summer…thank you mother nature.

the night before we left to move tiny to philly, at the end of July…one of the worst storms here kicked in and water started flooding my son’s apartment, like coming in through his walls…jordy took my jeep to go rescue him as i had just taken melatonin to sleep because we were leaving early the next morning to fly her to vet school in Philadelphia….and little tiny boss babe wouldn’t let me drive…doesn’t she know when one of your cubs is in peril you can drive in any condition? jack showed up at 1030 on thursday night with just the clothes on his back and his kitty.…my refrigerator was pretty empty too as we were leaving for the next eight days….in the morning we took off and left him behind to clean up his flooded mess.

however. as much as that rain was needed here and in the rest of the country…it has been fucking with my body. i’ve been dealing with some pain and on several occasions during my daughters move to philly i hit my wall…those with MS know what i mean…it is that moment when your body says to you “if you don’t get horizontal right now you may die” it is a horrendous feeling…i can’t really explain but i will try…pretend underneath your skin everything inside feels like melted wax and you are covered with wet towels that prevent you from moving…you have to lay down right there wherever you are…it is the only way to make it stop. unfortunately for me we had to walk to get there…talk about teetering on your edge…clearly i did not fall off

hey warriors. was that a good description? let me know please

during the eight days in Philadelphia…we moved her in…she handled all the scheduling…movers…delivery of furniture…etc. she will be there in that fabulous city for the next four years…we walked a hundred miles a day or at least it seemed that way…and 5 out of the 8 i hit that wall…i rarely do anymore so it was a bit concerning as it happened five times…but the beautiful thing about my MS is i am a rechargeable battery…i sleep hard and then wake up feeling recharged and ready to start all over again 🙂 groundhog day lolol 

i left her there to begin the greatest most challenging adventure of her tiny life so far and returned home to kick my 25 year old son out. LOLOL i actually really enjoy being with both my kids…they are two of the greatest humans i know…they will always be my kids no matter how old they are…but they are so much more fun now…we can drink (jordy doesn’t)…watch all the movies…travel together…enjoy life…it’s hard to believe sometimes that they are full grown ass adults…he stayed with me for a couple more weeks as we had encountered some hiccups…such is life right? filled with hiccups…he moved in the middle of august…ok. everyone is settled now. but… 

we all know my daughter is always in the middle of a CNN story…right? but she is always okay…and that is all that matters…yet. when the tornado hit the east coast two weeks ago and the rains came. it flooded my daughter’s building…the lobby was destroyed…the cars on the first floor garage…totaled…she had started school three days prior and vet school is fucking hard…and on the fourth day, her building becomes uninhabitable and she is now homeless and some stranger puts her on his back to carry her and my grand kitty bug to safety. fortunately she has made some really good friends in the city of brotherly love and they took her in…it really is the city of brotherly love…i have never met such outgoing kind people…five days later she was able to get back into her place…no lobby yet…no mail…the freight elevator just opened back up yesterday. she’s my daughter and she’s more badass than me…not an easy start…but. she’s okay…she’s always okay…and so is he.

what are the odds that both of my kids in the span of 42 days are flooded out of their homes?? 

we do not need to talk about my empty nest…it’s not that fun at least not here in this hot AZ desert for me. my bod is done…it’s over it…it’s only in the last three days (of writing this) now that the heat is back and the humidity is calming the fuck down do i feel like my usual three quarters of a million bucks. i miss my kids…my son is here…but he’s a little over the mothering…and jordy is thriving once again…kicking ass and taking names…i’ve been hiding inside writing thousands of words for my next book…and dealing with some emotional pain…

i’ve been fortunate to have a few people come by.  do some yoga…sit outside…on the crown…in the pool:) i am feeling better physically. emotionally i’m on a roll or should i say roller coaster 🙂 writing can take you places you really never wanted to go but maybe need to…i look forward to going to California next week…and i am looking forward to running in Jamaica this December…everyone is safe and dry. I am extra dry lolol but mostly i am grateful for these creatures that teach me what love is each and every day…

ps…this is not the blog i wanted to post…the other one will be a chapter in my book…some things are better left unsaid…at least for now 🙂

namaste

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