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I don't care

ptsd

five years ago i fell down a rabbit hole when i was told i may have multiple sclerosis… it took just one month from onset of symptoms for the full blown diagnosis.

since the day i heard those words i have been fighting an invisible physically emotionally debilitating bully every day in every way without much assistance. but i will never stop…too much at stake

there is nothing easy about what i live with ever. i will never complain because my gifts outweigh the pain. the spasms. the inability to remember pretty much everything. the hearing loss. the falling to the side (it’s always the left:) the fatigue so bad that if i don’t lay down right then and there i feel like i may die…it’s rare. but it still happens. i am not alone. there are three million people just like me. some are better. most are worse and that’s why i fight. 

yes. i look good. yes. my body is strong. but…and it’s a big fat butt 🙂

my desire to stand up everyday and run and hike and down dog is all for just one reason. five years ago i couldn’t lift my right leg. that was the one symptom that bothered me most. i thought my back was messed up. but it was my spine and my brain. talk about fear…

the day after i returned from the hospital i put on my running shoes:)
i ran nowhere. but i walked slowly down my 15 stairs being ever so grateful i could still stand. 

i still am.

inside my broken brain there is a part of me that knows without a shadow of a doubt my legs need to be the strongest part of my body. they are. i will do everything in my power to keep them that way. i may be small. but i’m a fighter. and winning is everything to me and the warriors. we are one. no matter how different our challenges may be. 

you don’t get it. until you get it. and i never want anyone to get it. but i’m extra grateful for the ones that at least try to understand what they can’t see. i will always and forever stand up for my ms family. and i always will take one for my warrior team. and my heart is filled by the few that get me. and believe me it’s very few… and not who it would seem 🤷🏼‍♀️

i get calls and messages daily asking for help. people that reach out to say i’ve inspired them to keep going and people that pay attention to the battles i face. with words of encouragement vs comparing your long day to the symptoms of ms. you are my family. you are the ones i love. fuck the ones that don’t even try. i do not have the mental bandwidth for you. i am not sorry. because i will not waste one moment of my precious time on minutiae or bullshit 🙌🏽

i am not the person you think you know. my “stuff” cannot be explained away or compared to what you go through. we are not the same.

my battles are daily. they are real. and they keep me strong. 

five years down
a lifetime to go
i got this
i always do 
i always have 
and i crave 
a cure…

i appreciate you people that try and understand who i am other than a one armed handstand.

i am so much more than that😉

peace love cure
namaste

julie blew
#likethewindnotthecolor

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