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my biggest fear

many many many years back while attending the University of Kansas as a freshman, i failed communications 101…sort of on purpose…as i refused to stand in front of the room and speak…i was terrified…i had always hated giving oral presentations in school…always…maybe because i didn’t have any faith in what i had to say…maybe i didn’t feel important…so i took the F…and i left KU and continued my education at the University of Arizona…where i received a bachelor’s degree in psychology…and after going back to Chicago for a few years after graduation…i returned to Phoenix in 1993 where i have lived ever since…

among other things and people, not only did i meet the man who i would make beautiful children with, but i also met some of my closest friends…ever…and after teaching special education for a few years and having two babies…i turned my love for photography into a business…i had two really cute subjects to practice on and i loved sharing with others what i could see in them that they were unable to see in themselves…and i was pretty good at it too…and then, i discovered yoga…

i remember the night before i was supposed to teach for the first time very clearly. i remember sitting on my couch talking to a friend…well, crying actually, because i realized i was going to have to speak in front of people…lots of people the next day AND for a living…and i vividly remember asking myself why i went to a three week intensive training to become a yoga instructor? no idea…i wanted to be a stay at home mom…

but. yoga is life changing and life saving…and i was naturally drawn to teaching, because i wanted to share what i had learned from this crazy amazing practice that actually quiets the mind and makes your body strong as fuck…and i discovered my voice…and it’s gotten louder and stronger over the years:) i have taught thousands of people…i have taught thousands of classes and workshops and retreats…and now i am about to share my voice with the world

am i ready to let you all inside…these aren’t the words from my mouth…they are the thoughts inside my head…my journal…and once again i am terrified to speak…

i am anxiously awaiting my books that are coming from the publishing company…

but. i did this for a reason…and right now my why is fighting with my fear…i stood up and taught that day in July of 2004…and i did a damn good job:) so…i guess i will share what i have spent the last three years working on…with my whole heart and soul

love me. hate me. leave me. i guess i really don’t care…this is my truth…and i wrote it for my warriors. i wrote to find a cure…i wrote to quiet my mind…i wrote a book because i couldn’t stop the thoughts tumbling from my head…fear is fear…and you have to grow through what you go through…and if you keep doing what what you’ve always done…you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten…fuck that

it’s time to move on…it’s time to start living…i have worked incredibly hard to get where i am today…and i have no intention of stopping….my fear i will carry with me and let it creep in once in a while…but, i will move through that as well…because i am stronger than my fear…

there is NOTHING scarier than being vulnerable and letting you in…but. i will let you in…and in doing so i hope that someone finds inspiration in my words. my fear. my growth. my truth…

it’ll be here soon….and to be honest…it’s no longer my choice…the publisher is putting it out there no matter what i say…so here goes everything…once again

namaste

julie blew
like the wind…
not the color