Blog

three is my favorite number… and i have a new favorite word

i am having flashbacks…ugh. make them stop….cPTSD…assault anniversary shit and all

here i am at my favorite coffee shop in phoenix…hiding out from the excruciating heat that’s already made itself present at eight in the morning? wtf…why is it so hot and why the fuck am i still living in a place i despise…the people (most of them anyway) the climate…the incessant sunshine and the inability to leave my home during the day because i may die due to the heat implications with my ms…okay maybe that was a bit dramatic:) but you get my drift….three years ago i was heading back to my beach after returning from being honored on stage by Nancy Davis and the Race to Erase MS…12 days later after this beautiful honor i was leveled physically and emotionally by a ‘sober’ piece of shit weasel twat with three daughters while i was lying there unconscious on my couch unable to fight back…he raped me in the home that took me over 18 months to move and settle into and sent my body brain and soul into a complete shutdown…he should be in jail and i hate the fact that i got talked into an “agreement” but as you all know or at least the ones that care to know i will call the cops on his rapist ass if he ever shows his ugly ass face around me again…he should be incarcerated

why the fuck am i still writing about this…why the fuck am i still dealing with it????? 

because kids that’s how trauma works…and i am deep in trauma healing right now…i found myself a wonderful therapist that actually understands trauma and what i am dealing with more than anyone else i’ve encountered…even fellow rape victims…because mine comes with a heaping pile of brain fog due to my ms and lack of any kind of real support because i spent my young adult life chasing people that were just like my narcissistic cunt mother (yes the c word has become my new favorite word lately) almost every friend i chose after i left home was just like her…i did a major overhaul of my relationships at the end of last year because i was drowning in the ones i was in…and stopped talking to everyone that caused me any sort of pain…and i had a bad fucking picker…more so with women to be honest

my life is much quieter now…my relationships and friendships feel warm and safe and loving…people that choose me…not my exes…the majority of friendships i chose to end still continue to communicate and have relationships with the men that harmed me…whether it be emotionally or physically…do you have any idea how painful that is to know that the people you thought were your friends actually have ongoing relationships with men that hurt you…they ding my trauma and say stupid shit…those aren’t friends…those are bad people…i am not interested in continuing even thinking about them…this is my goodbye letter to the old me…the one that was neglected and harmed emotionally as a child…the one who was treated like a toy in a box when they came around to play then ignored me when they were done…to the relatives who have continuously ignored my pleas for assistance and help and understanding. 

blood makes you related
behavior makes you family

i will never call these people my family…yes we are related by blood…and decades of “friendship” but they do not treat me like family…my family consists of my two children, the men who keep me feeling safe and supported…and a smattering of wonderful women in LA that love to build me up…help me shine my light…and are there for me if i fall…that reach out to me and ask me for plans…and check on me to make sure i am okay…

being raped changed me in ways i cannot explain…and having a chronic debilitating illness on top of all that does not help…we can’t forget the cunt builder and his idiocy causing me more harm leading to a diagnosis of cPTSD.,..that shit is no joke….and to the people that i used to be friends with STOP FUCKING STALKING ME!! i see you looking at my stories…i see you hiding behind your screens and your phones…i  hear the little whispers of gossip…if you care reach the fuck out and offer the help i so desperately need. or reach out just to talk or whatever…i have ‘friends’ that look at me on all my different accounts regularly…yet never reach out…i have legitimately asked for help….crickets…cunts…and fuck you:)

i am in the process of moving again for the fourth time in the last three years…i spent tens of thousands of dollars renovating my beach house to make it look different so i could remain inside the place i loved…after it not selling in 2024 due to lack of realtor involvement…i took it off market thinking it was a sign…it was just a sign of incompetence…when i showed up to it before running a race to use the bathroom that december i walked into a place i wouldn’t buy…the blinds were broken and it looked like hell…never hire a realtor that doesn’t live in the area…i gutted it and moved back in march of 2025…it is now may of 2026 and it’s been on the market for a month or so with the best realtor i have ever had…the rest of you…that fucked me can suck my dick…you guys are worse than lawyers….just sayin…i was sold properties that i shouldn’t have been…that weren’t inspected properly that i was encouraged to buy without proper inspections and with no discussion of resale??? i mean i have an incredibly expensive illness…but sure here’s your commission.

again back to the cunt that raped me…and all of my ex friends and relatives that instead of helping me heal from a senseless horrific act of violence chose to keep poking and prodding and dinging my trauma…how is anyone supposed to heal from all of this except by cutting every one of these mother fuckers off and that is exactly what i did…as i said above…my life is very quiet and also very peaceful….i am very careful about who i let in now and i also share my truths with everyone that i do let in…you can’t heal with trash lingering about or people that somehow think you deserved what you got…fuck you

i have spent my entire life working with children and healing adults…i realize now that i didn’t choose these professions…they chose me…after a lifetime of neglect and harm by the two women that were supposed to help me grow into a healthy happy adult and didn’t…i clearly let my mind body and spirit lead me to a career in helping others heal…and in healing them…they have helped heal me….i have spent a lifetime searching for safety…security…and love….my dad and my nana were really there for me right up until the end of their lives…ten months apart…i fell into a deep depression after they died…and was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis a little over two years after my dad passed….and damn he would’ve been the one to help me fight with all his might and warrior spirit…instead i get the leftovers of a broken narcissistic family spearheaded by the pit bull who took everything my family gave her and sold it…meanwhile letting my dad die alone because his c pap machine was too loud….you’re a cunt too…

she’s told no one about the letter i sent her…because she knows it’s true…who stops working at 30? gold diggers…my mother only got a job when i was younger so she could fuck her boyfriend for four years behind my dads back with his vp in her carpeted custom van…ewwwww…and then there’s my brother with his girlfriend and his wife…and his wife got mad at me because i actually liked the girlfriend as she was so much kinder to my brother than she was…so my nephew stopped talking to me…why? wtf did i do? i gotta say the only women with the last name binder i respect are my two youngest nieces and my nana Marj…the rest of you are pretty horrid narcissistic humans…and you wonder why i never took my last name back…i am a blew…my kids are blews…and truth be told my ex’s family has treated me better in the last two years that i’ve spent time with them then my blood relatives have in my entire life…as i go through trauma healing and narcissistic abuse understanding…the “you’re too sensitive” and “you’re a bitch” and “why is julie crying again” or “you dress like a bag lady” or i know you just had massive foot surgery so let me hose you off like a dog in the backyard and laugh about it while i go fuck boyfriend number 432…my mother was a whore…my stepmother was a gold digger and the two of them played ping pong with me for thirty years trying to hurt each other…instead of helping their teenage daughter/step daughter grow into a happy healthy adult…they hurt me and i was a child…none of this was my fault…my little brother brought up living in a house with two smokers and i had to point out to him…i was a child…my mother gave me cigarettes…what in the actual fuck??? with that she gave me lung issues and i have no doubt caused my ms…speaking of lung issues i have heard through the grapevine that my three pack a day pit bull ex step mom who i didn’t like from the moment i laid eyes on her…has lung cancer…but not the bad kind i guess…lucky her? or karma…..

i deserved more…i deserve more…i’ve done more for humankind than all of the shitty people i have covertly mentioned in this blog…pickleball and martinis and mahjong and omg are you serious…the botox…the eye lifts…the plastic work…the talking to my exes…you all disgust me…and to my rapist…i hope you die a horrid painful death and get ass raped…you deserve that…walking around my beach you mother fucker…stay away…i will call the cops…

am i healed? does it sound like it…writing heals me…getting this out of my brain fogged head…so it doesn’t swirl me into a deep depression of days filled with anxiety…heals me

i am healing…this blog is my way of clearing my head of thoughts that linger as i spend day after day alone inside my home in AZ waiting for an offer on my rape den so i can move on with a life that was really hijacked from me when i was little…it has taken me 58 years to see clearly…to remove the toxic shit from my life…you can say it’s me…and it is…i choose a life filled with kindness support and love…not trauma dinging and gossip and hanging with the people that hurt me…shame on you…seriously…everyone has opinions of me…idk why…maybe because i am loud…maybe because i stand up for myself and others…maybe because i am the light too…because i am amazing and i inspire

what i want need and deserve is a new start in life…by my beach with people that do possess more class intelligence and support than anyone i thought i knew in my life after i left home…i reconnected the other day with a girl from my home town who has been treated the exact same way that i have by these pieces of shit…i told her she’s a light that those ignorant superficial twats cannot possess so they try and dim it…no one is dimming my mother fucking light anymore…not the idiotic people i thought were my friends…not thoughts of the rapist twat…and certainly not the lack of support or care from my relatives…

three years since a useless cunt piece of weasel twat shit hurt me…and i realized who had my back

i am fire…i am the phoenix rising out of this mother fucking hot dusty dry desert pathetic way of living.

take me to the beach

and corin…thank you for your beautiful home…i am so excited to begin again

namaste
julie blew

June 14th, 2026

PS…right after i wrote this blog i received a full price cash offer for my beach house…that’s karma right there kids….i deserve it